Can we book our reservation via email? Can you just hold some seats for me?

No. You must Book Online and accept our terms/conditions. A credit card and email is required. We will not charge your card unless you fail to show at your scheduled departure time, at which time you will also be shunned and talked about. No credit card/no email... No sail! Please, only call us if you physically can't use our online booking system. Phone reservations are difficult via cell phone on the water.

What is your cancellation policy?

48 hours. If within 48 hours, 100% of your booking price will be charged if we can't fill your slots. If we cancel because of weather, no charge to you.

I looked at your online booking system and don't see availability for the date I want. Should I still call or email you asking if its available?

No. The schedule posted is the schedule. In most cases, I won't even respond to your email/phone message. This is 2021. Look at the schedule.

What is this "Marina 10% Fee" that's added to the total price?

Besides the many costs of doing business, little do people know that marinas charge a premium to a charter boat operator who leases a slip from them. They require 10% of our gross revenue to allow our guests to use the parking facility/restrooms, cover the extra insurance they're required to have, and to maintain the dock system.

Capt Dan, I have severe Political Tourettes and can't control my political outbursts along with potential racist or dicriminatory comments. Is this a problem?

Yes, it is a problem. Stay off my boat.

Capt Dan... when we arrived at the marina I asked the bartender, the waitress, a pirate, and a guy with a dog where you are and they don't know you. Where are you, we can't find you?

After viewing my website, getting a confirmation email, and then receiving a reminder email before your sail... all with directions exactly where to go... you still didn't trust me and asked random people what to do. I'd just stay home if I was you. It's too scary out here.

Can we wear boat shoes?

Only during extremely cold weather are boat shoes acceptable. I'll email the day of if shoes are ok. Otherwise, we require bare feet. We don't wear shoes in our home and we don't wear shoes on our yacht. You won't find a cleaner charter vessel in all of South Florida. (We're neat freaks!) Lick the bottom of your shoes in front of me and I'll allow them aboard. Don't worry ladies and gentlemen, we've seen all types of eagle talon looking feet. Feet oozing puss or ones that are tripping hazards for other will be exempt.

What happens if we show up late?

The boat may be gone. We can only wait 5 minutes extra. During busy season, plan on beach traffic both ways slowing you down by 60+ minutes. Arrive early but don't arrive to the boat until your scheduled time. We sail multiple sails per day. If you don't make it on time, you most likely will miss your departure as I must keep on schedule and you WILL be charged. Its your responsibility to show on time and traffic will not be an excuse. Involved in an accident or hospitalized? Police or doctor report required for refund. Time and tide wait for no man! We do not call asking where you are.

If we show up early to the boat do we get better seats?

Nope. Arrive to the boat 5 minutes before your scheduled time. Every seat is a good seat on our 6 passenger sailboat adventure. Please, don't knock on the boat 30 minutes before the scheduled sail. The captain is probably asleep!!

Can we bring adult beverages on the boat?

Yes. Soft sided coolers preferred. Red wine or other staining beverages are NOT allowed. If your cooler is large with wheels and handlebars, its too big and NOT allowed. Your captain and first mate enjoy flavored seltzer water. Glass bottles are OK. Glass stemware (wine glasses) NOT OK. Drinking is encouraged, but sloppy drunk is not. Get over intoxicated on my boat and you'll get a great selfie on the Sheriff's vessel with a giant orange life jacket as a memento from your visit to Fort Myers Beach.

Capt Dan, as I've aged I don't have the ability to enjoy comfortable silence and feel the need to talk complete nonsense endlessly. Are you gonna be ok?

What? I stopped listening a long time ago. Can you write this down for me. I'll get you pen and paper.

Can we bring food aboard?

Yes. Please, no items that are greasy, drippy, or saucy. Remember, this is a sailboat and there is wind. Light weight items (lids, plastic, paper) will want to fly out of your hands. Finger foods rule. Leave the refrigerator at home. We recommend beverages only. Please, we'd rather not handle your trash. Take on/Take off please. We have bucket for cans and bottles only.

What does it cost if I block the marine head (toilet) with something other then human waste or the paper provided?

If you flush a feminine product (or items other than human waste and the fast dissolving toilet paper provided) it will immediately block the toilet. Your reservation will be charged an additional $400 to buy the new macerator pump system and the labor costs involved. If other sails are scheduled for the day, you will also be responsible for the lost revenue. This is non negotiable.

Can I use the head (toilet) as soon as I arrive at the dock or when we arrive back at the dock?

NO. Yacht etiquette says that while docked at the marina that you only use the head if its an emergency. Otherwise, please use the marina's facilities located at the end of the dock. Flushing a marine toilet puts your waste into a holding tank which then vents the air in the tank outside the boat. It stinks! Plus, save the tank space for when we are out sailing!

What happens if I urinate everywhere in the restroom except in the toilet?

The first mate checks the restroom after each guest. If you have urinated on the floor, walls, or all over the toilet she will notify you in front of all the other guests and ask you to return below to clean it. If not, you're reservation will be charged an additional $50 clean up fee. Don't like this? Don't sail with us. There are other sailboats that don't mind having urine all over the boat.

Am I genius by referring to you as Captain Dan from Forrest Gump?

No. Every passenger says the same thing and everyone is wrong. It was Lieutenant Dan, not Captain Dan. Stick with your day job.

Can I bring my comfort animal?

No. Our vessel is not equipped to handle the needs of a non human aboard. Plus, your Captain is allergic to most pet fur and heavily perfumed women. A monkey bit me once during a sail. Ask me about it, it helps to talk about it.

What's that smell?

Guests wearing patchouli oil (Hippie and Pirate perfume) will be charged a $1500 cleaning fee and may be thrown overboard by the Captain.

Where do we go and how far?

The half day, 1/4 day, and sunset cruises sail mostly along Fort Myers Beach and in the waters behind the lower end of Sanibel Island near the lighthouse. We are usually never farther than a few miles from shore at any time.

If the weather is bad at the time of our scheduled sail, what happens?

If it is raining or the winds are sustained over 25 mph, we will cancel the cruise and try to reschedule if possible. If during our cruise we have to come back early due to weather, we will prorate the charge. Please trust the Captain's decision when it comes to weather or conditions. Safety of our guests and the vessel are top priority.

We have more than 6 people, can we still book your boat?

No. 6 Maximum as per Coast Guard regulations. Even if we had a 80' vessel, still regulated to 6 passengers unless vessel is purposely built for commercial use and is issued a C.O.I. (Certificate of Inspection). Yes.. a small child or infant has a soul (most of the time) and counts as a person.

Capt Dan, isn't my child the most amazing human being every created and unbelievably smart?

Slow your roll. If your child only communicates through screams and crying, the cuteness factor will wear off quickly as will your time on my vessel. Hint: Book the pirate cruise and let them deal with your little social misfit. They have swords and candy. Free range parents..... not cool. We love kids, but will not babysit during the sail. Also, common sense would say that bringing unruly children on a non private sunset sail would be rude to other guests as its more of an adult romantic/chill out sail.

Capt Dan, why is the steering wheel so big?

No power steering and the rudder is the size of a door!!

We would like to go topless, can we book a private cruise?

Yes, if you book a private sail. We will however get a little farther offshore away from boating traffic. The captain is married and reserves the right to keep his sunglasses and clothes on. My first mate... that's another story. :-)

Do we see dolphins?

We see dolphins 90% of the time but cannot guarantee it. Barking like a dog or monkey sounds do attract dolphins.

Can we swim in the ocean?

We don't swim. Insurance regulations don't allow swimming. Plus, our tidal currents can get pretty strong and your Captain isn't that good at head counts.

I'm an amazing sailor and know everything. Can I tell you how to do your job?

Yes you can. As I pull away from the dock... where you are still standing, let me know if the sail is trimmed properly.

My wife has motion sickness, will she get sick?

There is no way to possibly know this. However, a sailboat has a much smoother motion than a powerboat and most people find it very enjoyable. The lack of exhaust fumes from a running engine helps greatly. If in doubt, leave her home. Out of 15,000+ passengers, currently the count is at 25 pukers. Common sense: Don't eat a stack of pancakes before the cruise.

What happens if there are Canadians on the boat?

Canadians are for the most part safe to sail with. They tend to get a little feisty at times, but are manageable. Never, and I mean NEVER, let a Canadian run out of beer. Remember, these people put red relish on their hamburgers!

Capt Dan, how do I get one of those custom Magic Wind Adventure Sailing koozie can coolers everyone is talking about?

Save us the credit card processing fees and pay cash at the conclusion of the sail and we'll reward everyone on your reservation with a koozie. What a deal!

Capt Dan and Dianne, Can I show you all my pictures on my phone while you try to operate the boat and keep an eye on guests?

Although I'm sure your grandchildren and adventures mean a lot to you, distracting the Captain or the First Mate by asking them to look at 200 pictures on your phone is a bad idea. Self control required.

Capt Dan, Is it Ok to bring cremated remains aboard a Non-Private sail and ask everybody aboard to join us in a memorial service?

Really? Other guests aboard are there to enjoy their sail, not join you in your grief. You were supposed to call us and book a private sail.

Instead of enjoying the sail, can we tell you about all the property we own and how much money we make along with our amazing pensions?

Sure. We love to hear how pathetic our finances are compared to yours. Thanks for reminding us! Please visit our GoFundMe account located in the tip jar.